Over the weekend I sent a mobile upload of our experience at Portland’s famous VooDoo Donuts. We hoped in line to find a stoned and/or drunk homeless woman approach me, staring, standing with her mouth open, just a couple of feet away. I asked her if she needed anything… if everything was alright. That’s when she proceeded to ask me (multiple times) how my “first time” was. Seriously. And no, she wasn’t talking about my first ‘donut hole’. [Insert joke here.]

After asking me 10+ times, she went down the line asking others the same question. I was the only one who talked to her. I genuinely tried to engage her in conversation, even asking if I could buy her breakfast. The fact that I talked to he is probably the reason she came back to me and stood starting, just like this, for the better part of 20 minutes.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and offer it to a homeless person. Should that homeless person deny your lemonade and ask you about your first time experiencing sexual intercourse, take a video of them and put it on the Internet. They’ll never see it anyway.

So there I stood, cellphone by my hip, hoping to catch a clip of her creepiness in action. I was quite pleased with the result.

When we got to the front of the line the cashier told us that the people in front of us had already put $10 towards our donuts. They snuck out before we got to thank them.